Confessions from a Recently Domesticated Single White Female

This is the first installment of what I hope to be a recurring post about the shenanigans of someone new to this whole relationship thing. You know, being the 'we', 'us', or 'they'. 

A little background. The beginning of this year, just before turning 24, I entered my first 'serious' relationship. In other words, for the first time in my dating life, I upgraded from the perpetual friend with benefits, to the girlfriend. Two and a half months later I found myself in the midst of my first break up, and now I am almost 3 months in to my second relationship. I know, it's a bit crazy. And I still feel like the rookie. The newbie. As November begins and the year is coming to a close I can't help but look back and reflect on everything that has happened. It's all happened pretty fast and sometimes the only way for me to sort through all my thoughts is to write them down. I hesitate a little as I post this. I don't want anything to come off in a way that I didn't intend it to, but I keep getting this nagging feeling in the back of my head that I should post it. I don't know why, maybe it will help someone realize some things about themselves. I hope so.

So here is a little sneak peak into what I assume is the collective mind of the Recently Domesticated Single White Female.

1. We will lose sleep, but its not your fault. When we leave your house to go home(or you leave ours), no matter what time it is or how tired we are, we don't go to bed right away. Once home, we have our personal time where we do our nightly ritual(s). Whether it be watching an episode of our favorite T.V, show, eating a snack(ok, ok, a meal), or taking a shower. It's not that we can't or don't want to do these things with you (except that last one, keep it clean people), we just are used to doing these things by ourselves. To get us ready for our sleepy time. Plus being around you is like our own personal for of crack cocaine and it takes time to come down off that high. So, compliment given. You're welcome.

2. We are insecure, forever and always. Ok, probably not forever, or always, but in our experiences, no one has wanted to or been able to stick with us. We have never had anyone like you in our life and every day we wonder how long it could last. How long will you be able to put up with us? It's not that we need promises of forever, not right away anyhow. But knowing every day, or every week, or just when you happen to show it, that for now, you still care? That's enough. That's everything. So, please forgive us if this comes out every once in a while and turns us into a basket case. It's not your fault, we are just crazy. Don't worry, it's temporary. It will go away.

3. Sometimes we literally just, don't, know. When we are sitting in silence, we aren't upset. Well I guess maybe sometimes we are, so it's great that you ask, but most times we really just aren't thinking. We are just content in where we are and who we are with and we are just letting our brains relax and relish in the good feeling of just.....being. Or we are thinking, but to fully get across our thoughts, it would take a couple hours and a pad of paper, to get it down just right, and convey it in just the right way. For example: We could be sitting there wondering. Just wondering. Wondering at how the heck we got here? How we came to be a we and how here you are with me and its good. We are literally in wonderment of our good fortune. That's probably the most concise way to put it. But do you know how long it took me to come up with that? At least one month and you asking 3 or 4 times. If we say "I don't know" that's what we mean, or it's the best possible answer we can give to you at the time, without blatantly lying. Everything is so new and we are experiencing it so fresh that we haven't had time to process and really be thinking much of anything at all. We are just enjoying the experience for what it is. Is that such a bad thing?

4. We don't know how to be vulnerable. I understand that isn't exactly something you have to know how to do, but I mean outwardly. We don't know how to be outwardly vulnerable. When we try, it's often incredibly awkward and often doesn't come out even close to what we were actually thinking or planning to say. And the question, statement, or act that may come naturally to you or others, is the complete opposite for us. It's like accidentally stapling your finger and then pulling said staple out, really, really slow like. You go in it all "Oh, I'm just going to staple this paper and it's going to be easy, everyone does it". Then, BAM! Staple in the finger and you're on the verge of tears and you don't quite know what happened. Then you realize and you feel so incredibly stupid but there is nothing you can do now, except pull that staple right out, wipe the blood, and bandage it up nice and tight. So if we are trying to be vulnerable or doing something that obviously makes us uncomfortable, try not to ask us too many questions, because chances are, we only played out so many scenarios while preparing, and if you throw one at us that we aren't prepared for, our brains will completely shut down and we will become bumbling idiots. Unless you think that's cute. Then I guess it's okay every once in a while.

Are there any other Recently Domesticated Single White Females out there? Did I get anything wrong? What have your experiences been? Is there anything specific I should talk about next post? Am I the only one in this "how the heck do I even do this?" boat? Comment below!