They have done it again. Those eight-legged monsters think that I am just the cat's meow. They can't get enough of me! And I hate them! Why do they do this to me!?
I have many and many a story of my run-ins with these horrible creatures, so I won't bore you with them all. Here are the highlights of this season's escapades.
1. First I will bunch a few incidents all into one. They love to crawl up onto my arm or face, as I lay in bed trying to sleep.
2. While at work, I discovered a spider in the corner where the wall meets the floor. Figuring that if I tried to squish it with my foot, that I would miss and it would get away, or worse, crawl up my leg. So, I grabbed the bug spray and after a test run to see how far it would shoot, I drowned that sucker in the poison. In my horror, it didn't drown. It didn't die. It came barreling out of the puddle straight at me! Attacking me! All I could think to do was spray it again, and again, it didn't work! He still came running after me. As my last resort I put the phone down (I had called my mom for moral support), tore off my flip flop and smacked the thing. That did the trick! :)
3. After finding many spiders in the tub, I now thoroughly check the shower before getting in. If those little jerks think they are going to catch me naked and unprepared, they have another think coming! On this particular day, I did my normal visual check, even nudging the loufa that had found its way to the floor. I found nothing. I turned on the water, got in, still nothing. It wasn't until I was shampooing my hair that I got this sense that when I opened my eyes, I would see a spider on the wall staring at me. Taking a deep breath I opened my eyes. I sighed with relief at the empty wall, but I still couldn't shake the idea that there was a spider, somewhere, creeping up on me. Slowly I turned toward the stream of water and looked down toward the loufa and drain. And there it was. The second biggest living spider I ever saw. Knowing that I couldn't scream for help, I finished washing my hair, and I've blocked the specifics from my memory, but somehow I got rid of it.
4. This story doesn't involve a living creature but it was just as horrible. While lounging around on a so far pleasant Sunday, my father came in from the hallway carrying a small box. This wasn't unusual considering he came from his gun room and it appeared to be a case of ammo. He walked over to me and started to lean down to where I was laying on my boyfriend Weston's lap. Thinking he was going to show me something cool I was excited! I was sorely mistaken. As he leaned forward he tipped the box and I saw something black fall down out of my sight, between my chest and Wes' arm. In disbelief I exclaim "That better not be what I think it was!". Wes and my mother both look at me like a crazy person, having not seen anything fall. Afraid to look down where it fell, afraid to prove what it was, I lifted my arms and said "Get it off, Get it off, get it off!". Upon seeing the spider my mother exclaims "It's huge!" to which I reply "It better be dead!". Weston finally pics it up puts it on the napkin my mom has grabbed for her to throw it away. As she walks to the trash she continues to exclaim about how big it is. My curiosity gets the best of me and I have to see how big it is. Well folks, it was the biggest Spider I had seen.....until a few days later.....
5. A few days later....I was awoke that morning by an amazing woman named Jordyn Parry. I lay in my comfy bed, talking to her about boys, school, and life in general. the day was off to a very good start! After the phone call I was ready for the day, so I moved to the edge of the bed(which is actually my couch. It fits better in my room) and I prepared to get up and ready for the day. As I did, I saw something dart out from under the pillow my head had just been resting on. This spider was the size of a baseball. I swear it. Ask my mother. She knows, because after jumping to my feet in fright, The spider was lost in the folds of my comforter. After staring at the spot it disappeared for a few minutes in panic, I decided the only thing to do was to scream for my mommy, hoping she hadn't left for work yet! To my luck, she hadn't and she came down the stairs to my rescue! Upon seeing the spider I think she almost lost her nerve, but as I held the blanket out of the way she smashed it with one of my shoes and then picked it up to throw away. That folks was the biggest spider I had seen, and it had been chilling under my pillow, plotting its attack, for who know's how long as I lay there peacefully minding my own business! Evil!
6. Last but not least the most recent incident. I was at work, finishing up the last minute cleaning. As I was straightening the hangers in the men's section, I came to the color I needed to put away and as I reached to fix them I barely noticed the spider hiding in the waist band, waiting to strike. Upon seeing it, I was in a dilemma. What the heck was I supposed to do?? If I tried to grab the pair of pants, The spider would fall into the leg and disappear and I may never find it. Best case scenario, it runs away after falling to the ground. That didn't seem to be a good choice. After a half hour of brainstorming, pep talks, and self deprecating remarks I finally grabbed a magazine, rolled it up, and prepared to strike! I got it position, swung the magazine, and bam! That sucker went DOOOWWWN. He somehow fell out of the band, instead of in and I hit him again, just for good measure. He fell to the ground and that was where he stayed. Goodbye, Sir. Good riddance.
From now on I will try to post these adventures(this seems like an ironic word to use. Adventures should be fun, and this are horrifying). Nightmares is a better portrayal of the circumstances. I will try to post theses nightmares as they happen so it isn't too scary or extensive, when I do.
Love You All,
And Goodnight,
Kelli Hunter
No comments:
Post a Comment