A Lover's Holiday, Hideaway

Being that I am a single (almost)25 year old, you are probably expecting this post to be about how sad I am to be alone on yet another Valentines Day. Although it is true, that is not the focus of my thoughts, this or any other year.

For almost as long as I can remember, I have not been a fan of Valentines Day. I guess, I remember liking it just fine in elementary school. We made tissue boxes, show boxes, and cereal boxes, into our little love mail boxes and waited to see how much candy and cards we would get at our class party. We hoped that the boy we had a secret crush on would give us a card(obviously not catching on to the fact that we gave cards to each and every person in the class and they probably did too). 

But before I was even old enough to hate the day for all the sad and lonely reasons most people do, it was ruined for me for what I thought would be forever. 

On February 14, 2004 Audrey Black was riding with her sister on a hay wagon being pulled by her grandfather and there was a tragic accident. She was killed instantly. We were in 8th grade at the time and on Friday, the day before the accident, it was our school Valentines Dance. I remember running around the dance floor with Audrey as she, not so coyly, tried to stay out of sight of a boy with a crush on her. She was too shy and polite, she knew if he asked her to dance she would have to say yes, so as the 14 yr olds that we were, we ran. All over the dance floor. Around and around, never staying in one spot long enough to be caught unawares. 

We left school that day, not a care in the world and I stayed that way all weekend, none the wiser until church 2 days later. I have never been much of a news junkie or morning person and that Sunday was no different than any other. I rolled out of bed just in time to get dressed and rush out the door to church. It wasn't until I got to Sunday school that I heard the news. I was sitting in class waiting for the teacher to start and my friend leaned over and gave me the news. It is something I will never forget. I was sitting there laughing and joking with my friends until one of them said "Kelli, did you hear about Audrey?" 

Confused, I looked back and said "What about her" 

And my friend with all the subtly of a preteen said "She died"

I don't remember much after that. In fact I don't remember the next 2 hours at all. I'm sure she must have explained to me further, what had happened, but there is absolutely nothing in my brain from then until I got home. I simply couldn't believe that she could be gone, I had just seen her 2 days before, laughing and happy.

The next thing I remember was running from the car, into the house to scour through the pile of newspapers we had left from our paper route that morning. Sure enough, there it was. Audrey had been in a train accident and had died on impact. I don't remember much of the next couple of weeks. I remember being sad. I remember getting frustrated when people would ask if I was okay. When I am so obviously not okay, why would you ask? Who would be OKAY, when their friend had just died? I hate that question just as much today as I did then. I remember the funeral, and I remember being a little disappointed that she had been cremated, because I felt I couldn't say my last goodbyes. 

Now, I am a believer of the after life. I believe that she is happily spending her days in heaven, but I think of her often and how the world is worse off with her gone. She was the sweetest, kindest person I have ever met. I completely understand why God would want her to come home early, but for purely selfish reasons, I miss her. Every time I have a new experience, I think of her.

When I experience wonderfully happy things, I think, this is something Audrey never got to do, or feel, or see. When I have a horrible experience, I think, Audrey never had to go through this. Never had to feel this pain. Never had her heart broken. She was lucky.

So every year since 2004, I put a rose on rock monument at the middle school, worked, and then spent the rest of the day by myself or with my best friend. Usually watching a good movie. Keeping it as uneventful as I possibly could. That was my schedule for the day every year until 2014. 

On the 10 year anniversary, I finally made it out to the monument at the site of the train accident to leave some flowers and pay my respects, and then I headed off to my very first Valentine's date. It was a wonderful date, straight out of a fairy tale. We dressed in our best Gatsby attire and headed to a party. The night included being fake bartenders, slow dancing on a table in the rain, relaxing in a hot tub, and holding hands with my(unbeknownst to me) first boyfriend for the first time. It was the best date and Valentines Day I had ever had. 

And that was the start of the most emotional year I have ever had. I had my heart broken twice and went back to school, quit school, started my singing career, and found some new passions in life. When I look back, February 14th is what started it all. After that day, my life and year were changed. I will never be that girl again. 

As the day approached this year, I was struggling with whether I hoped to have plans, or if I wanted to hide away by myself for the day. Every year before, when I did nothing that day, my life was smooth sailing. Perfectly ordinary and happy. Last year it was a roller coaster of events and emotions and self discovery. How could I not wonder whether this day was cursed for me. Would my life be much easier and less eventful if I just stayed in and minded my own business this year? Would easier, less eventful, and painless be better? Or just sad? Is the possible happiness worth all the possible pain?

Fortunately, my decision was made for me. My aunt called to ask if I could watch my 4 yr old cousin. He had told me "You are the most wonderful girl in the world", two nights before, so how could I say no after that? If you saw his face, you couldn't either.


*I realize that this post is now a day late, but better late than never, I say. Feb. 14th was as eventful as I hoped it would be and I spent it talking and spending time with just the people I wanted to. Hopefully this means it will be a fairly painless year :)

Music, I Give You My Heart

It is only December 23rd and I actually feel like I have left 2014 in the dust already. After my second heartbreak of the year, I said screw it, and decided 2014 was dead and gone. 

Although I knew making big decisions when you are in an emotionally unhealthy state was not the smartest thing to do, I did it anyhow. 

Expectations

This past year and years before that, basically every year since I became a senior in High School (2008 people. Man, I am getting old), I have struggled with the idea of going to college. 

That is what you do. You graduate high school, go to college, possible go on a mission(I am an active member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Siants), get married, have kids, and live happily ever after. 

Somehow none of those seemed RIGHT to me.

I consider myself a relatively smart person. I love to learn new things and I have many aspirations. It's just that none of them include school. I love to learn, but on my own terms, and about subjects that I deem important. Thus lies my problem. 

I don't want to go to school.

For years and years and years I felt shamed and looked down upon for not pursuing a degree, or afraid to voice my lack of wanting to further my education in that way. Afraid that not going meant I was a failure.

Revelations

Growing up I saw mothers taking care of their children, and I was taught that the man should provide for the family, and that I should aspire to that. 

So I did. 

This does not make me a failure. Wanting to be a Mom and Wife first does not mean that I have no other aspirations. Just that those are the most important and everything else comes after. 

I will not apologize for that.

Decisions

I don't HAVE to go to school. 

Not going doesn't make me any less than anyone else. 

I can do whatever I feel is right and what will make me HAPPY right now. Not in the unforeseeable future. You would think that this wouldn't be some big realization, but it was. As soon as I accepted that, a weight I never knew was there, was lifted of my shoulders and I felt like anything was possible. 

So strongly due to the encouragement of my Uncle Dustin, I decided to pursue a career in the Music industry. Before this point a singing career was something I thought sounded awesome, but was never a realistic option for me. I'm a small town girl from Idaho, I'm not going to be famous. But why not? I have no idea if I have what it takes, I have no idea if it will ever work out, but by golly I have to give it a shot. 

So grudgingly I finished up the semester (just in case I ever decide to go back) and immediately threw myself into music. 

There is still much to do, and not as much time as I would like to do it, but I know if I put everything that I have into this, it will be worth it. 

When I really want something, when I really love something, I give it my heart and soul. The whole dang thing. I believe if you aren't willing to put all your heart into the things that you love, then you don't deserve them. No if's, and's or but's about it.

So Music,

 I'm not entirely sure how much left I have to give, but I give you every last scarred, bruised, and crumpled pieces of my heart.

Let's use it to make Beautiful music.

What Are You Doing New Years?

I have decided that when the clock strikes Midnight this December 31st, I would like to pretend that this last year never happened. Is anyone with me? 

There were certainly some high points. 

I think. 

There must have been somewhere.

There were, but in fact, it's those I would like most to forget.

It's funny how those happy, fun, and amazing moments can be tarnished by the stupid, horrible, painful ones. Funny in an ironic way that is. This year was crazy, emotional, hard, and.....educational? But worth it? When I'm an old lady I'm sure I will look back and think so.

Confessions from a Recently Domesticated Single White Female

This is the first installment of what I hope to be a recurring post about the shenanigans of someone new to this whole relationship thing. You know, being the 'we', 'us', or 'they'. 

A little background. The beginning of this year, just before turning 24, I entered my first 'serious' relationship. In other words, for the first time in my dating life, I upgraded from the perpetual friend with benefits, to the girlfriend. Two and a half months later I found myself in the midst of my first break up, and now I am almost 3 months in to my second relationship. I know, it's a bit crazy. And I still feel like the rookie. The newbie. As November begins and the year is coming to a close I can't help but look back and reflect on everything that has happened. It's all happened pretty fast and sometimes the only way for me to sort through all my thoughts is to write them down. I hesitate a little as I post this. I don't want anything to come off in a way that I didn't intend it to, but I keep getting this nagging feeling in the back of my head that I should post it. I don't know why, maybe it will help someone realize some things about themselves. I hope so.

So here is a little sneak peak into what I assume is the collective mind of the Recently Domesticated Single White Female.

1. We will lose sleep, but its not your fault. When we leave your house to go home(or you leave ours), no matter what time it is or how tired we are, we don't go to bed right away. Once home, we have our personal time where we do our nightly ritual(s). Whether it be watching an episode of our favorite T.V, show, eating a snack(ok, ok, a meal), or taking a shower. It's not that we can't or don't want to do these things with you (except that last one, keep it clean people), we just are used to doing these things by ourselves. To get us ready for our sleepy time. Plus being around you is like our own personal for of crack cocaine and it takes time to come down off that high. So, compliment given. You're welcome.

2. We are insecure, forever and always. Ok, probably not forever, or always, but in our experiences, no one has wanted to or been able to stick with us. We have never had anyone like you in our life and every day we wonder how long it could last. How long will you be able to put up with us? It's not that we need promises of forever, not right away anyhow. But knowing every day, or every week, or just when you happen to show it, that for now, you still care? That's enough. That's everything. So, please forgive us if this comes out every once in a while and turns us into a basket case. It's not your fault, we are just crazy. Don't worry, it's temporary. It will go away.

3. Sometimes we literally just, don't, know. When we are sitting in silence, we aren't upset. Well I guess maybe sometimes we are, so it's great that you ask, but most times we really just aren't thinking. We are just content in where we are and who we are with and we are just letting our brains relax and relish in the good feeling of just.....being. Or we are thinking, but to fully get across our thoughts, it would take a couple hours and a pad of paper, to get it down just right, and convey it in just the right way. For example: We could be sitting there wondering. Just wondering. Wondering at how the heck we got here? How we came to be a we and how here you are with me and its good. We are literally in wonderment of our good fortune. That's probably the most concise way to put it. But do you know how long it took me to come up with that? At least one month and you asking 3 or 4 times. If we say "I don't know" that's what we mean, or it's the best possible answer we can give to you at the time, without blatantly lying. Everything is so new and we are experiencing it so fresh that we haven't had time to process and really be thinking much of anything at all. We are just enjoying the experience for what it is. Is that such a bad thing?

4. We don't know how to be vulnerable. I understand that isn't exactly something you have to know how to do, but I mean outwardly. We don't know how to be outwardly vulnerable. When we try, it's often incredibly awkward and often doesn't come out even close to what we were actually thinking or planning to say. And the question, statement, or act that may come naturally to you or others, is the complete opposite for us. It's like accidentally stapling your finger and then pulling said staple out, really, really slow like. You go in it all "Oh, I'm just going to staple this paper and it's going to be easy, everyone does it". Then, BAM! Staple in the finger and you're on the verge of tears and you don't quite know what happened. Then you realize and you feel so incredibly stupid but there is nothing you can do now, except pull that staple right out, wipe the blood, and bandage it up nice and tight. So if we are trying to be vulnerable or doing something that obviously makes us uncomfortable, try not to ask us too many questions, because chances are, we only played out so many scenarios while preparing, and if you throw one at us that we aren't prepared for, our brains will completely shut down and we will become bumbling idiots. Unless you think that's cute. Then I guess it's okay every once in a while.

Are there any other Recently Domesticated Single White Females out there? Did I get anything wrong? What have your experiences been? Is there anything specific I should talk about next post? Am I the only one in this "how the heck do I even do this?" boat? Comment below! 

Hey Energizer Bunny, SHUT UP AND GO TO BED!

You know those people who have their life all figured out, they know exactly what they want and they are completely content? You know, those people who go to work, come home, do the dishes, make dinner, watch some tv and then go to bed to do it all again the next day? I am not one of those people.

Me? I wake up in the morning, if you can call what I do waking up. I lay in bed for probably an hour before I feel I'm ready to face the world. As I lay there I file through the list of things I should or could do that day and try to decide which one is more important or more time sensitive. In other words, which ones do I need to get done today, which ones need to get done before work, and which ones can wait until later tonight or another day entirely. This list often includes(in no specific order) things like: Shower, paint my nails, homework, practice an instrument, exercise. clean my room/bathroom/house, laundry, make lunch, sew a project, write in this blog, pay bills, research something, and write a song. So I do everything I can before getting ready for work, then head off to my day job. My job doesn't always require a lot of brain power, so as I go throughout the day, I decide from my list made that morning, what I will do when I get off, if given enough idle time, I even add a few things to the list. Which is no help at all.  

When I finally get home, I have to make and eat dinner and by the time that is all done, I have what seems like such little time to get the things I need and want to do done. I find myself wishing there were more hours in the day. The hours tick by as I multitask as many things as I can and try to put off sleep for as long as possible. 

Oh to be one of those people who spends an hour preparing for bed. I use as much of my time as possible, then I hurriedly brush my teeth, sometimes shower, use a face wipe to clean the makeup off and roll into bed only to be unable to sleep as the tasks I didn't get done haunt my brain. 

Am I the only one plagued by these endless tasks, projects, chores, and needs? Am I the only one that just doesn't seem to have enough hours in the day or the ability to shut your brain off long enough to really sleep? My brain is the Energizer Bunny, bang, bang, banging on his drum as he endlessly runs around creating even more things for me to do.

There is only one time when my brain shuts off, when I am completely content with sitting and doing absolutely nothing. Where my brain shuts off completely or thinks of nothing more than what is happening right then, in the moment. That is when I am with people I love, friends and family that fill my soul with so much love that just being in their presence is more than I could ever need to be happy. I cherish those times, because the majority of my time is not spent in the company of these people, Most of my time is spent alone with nothing to do but think and think and think, or work and work and work. Or maybe even think, and work, and think, and work. Or any other combinations you can think of. Tis the life of an unmarried woman, is it not? 

In a nutshell, my day always feels unfinished. The ingredients for the dinner I planned to make sit in the fridge forgotten after eating the quick snack or sandwich instead. The paper with the half scrolled song lyrics, sits on the corner of my desk for weeks. The sewing project is packed away for later, sometimes never getting finished. And my nails sit chipped, bare, or misshapen for days on end. Even now, this blog is cut short because I just can't focus enough to even write any more. Too many things running through my head, and a story waiting in the background of my laptop to be read and edited for a friend. Sometimes I just need to say:

"Hey Energizer Bunny? SHUT UP AND GO TO BED!" 

The Many Adventures of Kelli and the Eight-legged Freaks

They have done it again. Those eight-legged monsters think that I am just the cat's meow. They can't get enough of me! And I hate them! Why do they do this to me!?

I have many and many a story of my run-ins with these horrible creatures, so I won't bore you with them all. Here are the highlights of this season's escapades. 

1. First I will bunch a few incidents all into one. They love to crawl up onto my arm or face, as I lay in bed trying to sleep. 

2. While at work, I discovered a spider in the corner where the wall meets the floor. Figuring that if I tried to squish it with my foot, that I would miss and it would get away, or worse, crawl up my leg. So, I grabbed the bug spray and after a test run to see how far it would shoot, I drowned that sucker in the poison. In my horror, it didn't drown. It didn't die. It came barreling out of the puddle straight at me! Attacking me! All I could think to do was spray it again, and again, it didn't work! He still came running after me. As my last resort I put the phone down (I had called my mom for moral support), tore off my flip flop and smacked the thing. That did the trick! :)

3. After finding many spiders in the tub, I now thoroughly check the shower before getting in. If those little jerks think they are going to catch me naked and unprepared, they have another think coming! On this particular day, I did my normal visual check, even nudging the loufa that had found its way to the floor. I found nothing. I turned on the water, got in, still nothing. It wasn't until I was shampooing my hair that I got this sense that when I opened my eyes, I would see a spider on the wall staring at me. Taking a deep breath I opened my eyes. I sighed with relief at the empty wall, but I still couldn't shake the idea that there was a spider, somewhere, creeping up on me. Slowly I turned toward the stream of water and looked down toward the loufa and drain. And there it was. The second biggest living spider I ever saw. Knowing that I couldn't scream for help, I finished washing my hair, and I've blocked the specifics from my memory, but somehow I got rid of it. 

4. This story doesn't involve a living creature but it was just as horrible. While lounging around on a so far pleasant Sunday, my father came in from the hallway carrying a small box. This wasn't unusual considering he came from his gun room and it appeared to be a case of ammo. He walked over to me and started to lean down to where I was laying on my boyfriend Weston's lap. Thinking he was going to show me something cool I was excited! I was sorely mistaken. As he leaned forward he tipped the box and I saw something black fall down out of my sight, between my chest and Wes' arm. In disbelief I exclaim "That better not be what I think it was!". Wes and my mother both look at me like a crazy person, having not seen anything fall. Afraid to look down where it fell, afraid to prove what it was, I lifted my arms and said "Get it off, Get it off, get it off!". Upon seeing the spider my mother exclaims "It's huge!" to which I reply "It better be dead!". Weston finally pics it up puts it on the napkin my mom has grabbed for her to throw it away. As she walks to the trash she continues to exclaim about how big it is. My curiosity gets the best of me and I have to see how big it is. Well folks, it was the biggest Spider I had seen.....until a few days later.....

5. A few days later....I was awoke that morning by an amazing woman named Jordyn Parry. I lay in my comfy bed, talking to her about boys, school, and life in general. the day was off to a very good start! After the phone call I was ready for the day, so I moved to the edge of the bed(which is actually my couch. It fits better in my room) and I prepared to get up and ready for the day. As I did, I saw something dart out from under the pillow my head had just been resting on. This spider was the size  of a baseball. I swear it. Ask my mother. She knows, because after jumping to my feet in fright, The spider was lost in the folds of my comforter. After staring at the spot it disappeared for a few minutes in panic, I decided the only thing to do was to scream for my mommy, hoping she hadn't left for work yet! To my luck, she hadn't and she came down the stairs to my rescue! Upon seeing the spider I think she almost lost her nerve, but as I held the blanket out of the way she smashed it with  one of my shoes and then picked it up to throw away. That folks was the biggest spider I had seen, and it had been chilling under my pillow, plotting its attack, for who know's how long as I lay there peacefully minding my own business! Evil! 

6. Last but not least the most recent incident. I was at work, finishing up the last minute cleaning. As I was straightening the hangers in the men's section, I came to the color I needed to put away and as I reached to fix them I barely noticed the spider hiding in the waist band, waiting to strike. Upon seeing it, I was in a dilemma. What the heck was I supposed to do?? If I tried to grab the pair of pants, The spider would fall into the leg and disappear and I may never find it. Best case scenario, it runs away after falling to the ground. That didn't seem to be a good choice. After a half hour of brainstorming, pep talks, and self deprecating remarks I finally grabbed a magazine, rolled it up, and prepared to strike! I got it position, swung the magazine, and bam! That sucker went DOOOWWWN. He somehow fell out of the band, instead of in and I hit him again, just for good measure. He fell to the ground and that was where he stayed. Goodbye, Sir. Good riddance. 

From now on I will try to post these adventures(this seems like an ironic word to use. Adventures should be fun, and this are horrifying). Nightmares is a better portrayal of the circumstances. I will try to post theses nightmares as they happen so it isn't too scary or extensive, when I do. 

Love You All,

And Goodnight, 

Kelli Hunter

A Promise is a Promise

Last time I came on here it was to post about a spontaneous writing challenge I had gotten myself into and then I got completely sidetracked. That happens to me quite often. Well this time, the reason I got on here will be a lot easier to write if I continue with my previous plan and tell you first about this Short Story. 

As I was coming to the end of my mourning period mentioned in my last post, I wrote a poem that inspired me to delve back into some creative writing. For some reason, lets be honest, because I was lonely. I decided to post on Facebook that I had decided to try some creative writing again. I should have known this would be a mistake. Almost immediately after posting I received a comment with a very specific writing challenge from, at the time, an acquaintance. The challenge was to write a short story that included these 5 elements. 

2 mute hobos (the antagonist)

A shifty eyed dog (protagonist)

A bowling alley

A bowl of rotten tomatoes

A broken wrist watch

I was given exactly 3 days to complete it and after some shameless flirting(the first flirting I'd done since the break up) I was promised a trophy, the likes of which I couldn't imagine, if I finished it in time. 

Well I did. I finished it and I sent it to my challenger. It was an interesting experience and although I'm not in love with the whole thing, The first page I am rather fond of. I will share that Excerpt now. 

One of Those Days: An Excerpt from The Empty One by Kelli Hunter

         As if being homeless, jobless, and mute wasn’t enough. I had to be a freak as well. I mean what else would you call a man, whose best way of communication was reading the thoughts of every living thing around him? Major freak. You probably don’t even believe me. Whether you do or don’t doesn’t matter. Truth is, I hear how the plants feel as they soak in the sun and relish its warmth and energy. I hear the animals as they beg for the love of their equally lonely owners, and the ever-depressing, horrifying thoughts of every man, woman, and child in this city. Can you imagine? Spending so much time on-having so much space taken by-the thoughts of beings and people who don’t even see you? Who have no idea you even exist? I think not. If you could, you would go crazy. Bat-shit crazy.

        

        Most days I actually thank God for the otherwise hardship of my muteness. Without it, I would have alienated myself much earlier and more severely than I already have. Sure, there are moments when I answer a question that hasn’t actually been asked. It happens more often than I would like. More than I can take. The way those people look at you. 

    

      How can people feel so many things in such a small amount of time? I see and hear as they go from pity, to confusion, sliding quickly into fear, in the blink of an eye. At that point, it’s best just to walk away. Let yourself be the topic of pillow talk, therapy sessions, and social media statuses, never to be thought of again; That barista at the coffee shop gets a brand new story to tell of the creepy homeless man who wrote her a note trying to cheer her up, when she had spent the entire day showing nothing but the most convincing smile, secretly crumbling to pieces on the inside; as does the old man at the bus stop who kept asking “God, Why am I still alive?” Because without Mary he just didn’t want to live. Wasn’t it his time yet? The telling look on his face when the strange man with the over grown beard, pulled his chin up with his grubby fingers and solemnly shook his head no, mouthing “not yet”. Yes, it’s best just to be a story told.

      It is not one of those days; when I thank God. I sit here watching the people as they walk by, talking on the phone, laughing with their friends, and flirting with the cute checkout girl behind the counter at the corner market. It just makes me angry. It begins as an ember burning deep in my soul, ignited by my jealousy, building into a fiery hot rage. IT’S NOT FAIR! I can hear every aspect of every interaction. I know more about each conversation than the people having them. I hear both sides; what they say and what they are too afraid to. And still, I will never understand. Never really know what it feels like to have my voice be music to someone’s ears, to make that smile spread across their face at the sound of my laughter, to experience the way a woman’s name feels as it rolls off my tongue…

      The sun is too bright, the voices too loud. It comes in waves, the pain. Eye-splitting, earth-shattering pain. Sleep. Sleep is what I need. I lay down, arms over my head. Huddling in the dark between two dumpsters in my favorite alley, thinking “maybe when I wake, if I wake, it will be gone and everything will finally be still.

                                                     *-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

Now comes the trophy. A few days after I turned in the story I finally was receiving my trophy. I opened the door to let Weston in and all I see is a giant deer head with giant antlers and a pair of human legs peaking out from underneath. It really was the likes of which I never would have imagined, it was hilarious and perfect. The best trophy ever. For the next few weeks or month I drove around with that deer strapped into the back of my car. Held in place with the seat belt, like he was just taking a ride. He went up to McCall on one of our many family trips and I  serenaded him many a times with my favorite songs while driving. We made Rednecks day with a responding thumbs up or "Hell Yeah!", made some people very confused, and made a lot of kids laugh. Oh and his name is Buck Russell Attorney at Law. Here are some of our adventures: 

Our first night together. How Precious!

I was getting pics taken to help sell the dress and Buck Russell just had to come along!

Buck Russell Attorney at Law's home for the first few weeks. I needed him handy for any photo ops.

When we went to McCall I thought he might like a trip to his natural habitat. My dad was such a sport in holding him up for these fun photo's! 

In light of a road trip that just didn't have enough room for him to come a long, he needed to find a new home, at least for now. He got a little sassy in this shoot. Work it girl! ;)

I just hope I can get him out for some more pictures soon. I think he is getting a little bored up there on the wall all by himself. 

Some Things Just Have to be Written

Well, well, well, it has been a long time has it not? SO much has happened since my last post. I don't even know where to begin.

At the time of my last post I was crushing on a guy, who clearly saw me as a friend. Again. This has happened to me quite often. Like I had many times before, I decided I was not that girl. That girl that sat and longed for a man that was obviously not into her. That wasted time. So I got over that crush and I call it that, because that is what it was. It was silly and ridiculous and not real. He is and always was my friend. One of my greatest friends. 

Who would have thought that immediately after my realization, I would meet a new guy? I met a guy, and a week later, he was my boyfriend. We dated for three months and broke up when he moved away for the summer. 

It took me about 2 weeks, 2 rather pathetic weeks before I finally had some epiphanies. He may have been the perfect guy like I had thought, and he probably is. Just not the perfect guy for me. I realized why we didn't work and why we never would have. I realized what I would have done differently if I had the knowledge I do now and I am glad that I had the opportunity to learn them and gain such a great friend.

I learned so many things about myself. I learned that I, as well, can be blinded and swept away at the idea of love. That I can ignore everything that makes me who I am at just the chance of someone loving me. I learned that in that way, I am weak. I learned that my self esteem is not always as strong as I think it is and I am too hard on myself at times. I am scared a lot of the time and I put others needs in front of my own, thinking that what I want doesn't really matter. Not because I don't matter, but because when people I care about are happy, I am happy. But it should go both ways. You should not be the only one sacrificing or giving.

I have had a lot of time to think recently and have been thinking a great deal about life and love. You cannot put everything you love aside and try to become someone you are not, just because you think that is what someone or everyone else wants. I never thought I would be that girl, but I was. I do think you should constantly be trying to change and better yourself, but for you only. Not for anyone else.

 I often think to myself that however my life goes, it doesn't really matter. I can be happy anywhere, doing anything. Because I can. I am a happy person. I choose to be happy. Even though I can be happy anywhere, doing anything, that doesn't mean I should sit on the wayside and not try for the things that I want. That is the fear again, sweeping in to help my casualness hold me back. I cannot let that happen. 

 I believe that you can't fall in love unless you decide, consciously or not, to step or jump into it. Otherwise you will spend your whole life standing on the edge of life, waiting for something that will never come. You can jump and go head first; step off and close your eyes, hoping for the best; do a cannon ball or even a belly flop. 

However you do it, you must be brave and maybe even a little reckless, because even if you hit the ground, you can get back up, dust off, and get ready to jump again- knowing a little more about yourself and what you want in the person to fall beside you. 

Your heart will not literally break. It is resilient and only grows stronger from the pain.

 Remember you cannot force someone to jump with you. You don't want someone who isn't willing to take a chance on you. If they are unwilling to jump or too scared, then maybe they have some more learning to do. Let them go and look for someone who is not only willing, but is so excited they basically pull you over the edge with them. Be fearless and take nothing less than you deserve. 

I feel like that should be a new thing. When you have been courting (yeah we should bring that phrase back as well) someone and decide you want to date only them, you should ask; "Would you like to jump with me?" or something to that affect. In your own words. 

This would not be a promise of forever, or that you would fall in love at all, but a statement that you are willing to take a chance and see what would happen if you give it a try. As if you are saying, "here, this is half my heart, if you give me half of yours we can see how they fit."

Man, thats kind of beautiful if you ask me. 

Well this is not what I intended to write about when I opened up this blog. I meant to write about my writing challenge I had this last week and how it went, but I got side tracked by reading my last post. 

Until next time,

Your Friend,

Kelli

Pep Talk From a Stranger

Today was straight up weird. On an average Wednesday, I roll into work late, work a few hours and then head straight to my second job, to work another hours. After that I go home and then right now I have Community Christmas Choir and then movie time. 

 Well today started off exactly like every other Wednesday. I rolled lazily out of bed and rushed out the door to arrive at my job, 30 min late. I should point out that this isn't an issue, me getting there late, because I am making the days numbers better by shaving half an hour off my shift. Also, I always get everything done on time. 

So, I arrived a half hour late to see a car in the parking lot. This isn't the first time this has happened, although it is the first time that there has been a car in the parking lot close to the store. When I got close I soon realized that lights were already on. Like I said "weird". 

I go inside and it turns out I wasn't scheduled today. Or this week at all for that matter. Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining, but my boss just had her baby and the person now making the schedule must not know that I work every Wednesday. Anyhow, yes it was weird, but it was also great! I left work and I went straight to my chiropractor and good friend Dr. Callis for a jaw treatment. After that I went home, did some laundry, tried to apply for FAFSA, and watched a little Dexter. 

Apparently I was having a late day, because I got out the door late and to my job late again that afternoon. Work was normal not busy but busy enough that we made our sales goal, so it wasn't too bad at all. This is where the weirdest part comes in.

 I finally rolled into Choir, again about 5 min late, and went and sat down next to my choir buddy. I am ashamed to say that I don't remember his first name, but his last is Brown. I sat next to and shared music with him last week along with his young daughter, who is about 8 or 9. He is a Bass singer and he has another daughter that is a year older than me. Anyhow, during the practice he told me that I have a very good and clear soprano voice and that I better not sit anywhere else. I thanked him for the compliment and we went on practicing. Luke Lords talked to us about listening to the CD's when not at practice but I don't have one so Mr. Brown said that he would copy his for me and get it to me this week. After practice he gave me his original music folder(he had temporarily copied the music for practice). The most amazing part of the day happens right here.

 Prologue: Earlier this evening while at work I had become overwhelmed with feelings of panic and anxiety and just plain fear. I fell to my knees and I prayed to Heavenly Father to please help me to be patient and to be strong and to know what to do.

 As he handed me the folder he said. "You really do have a lovely voice. You know, I want you to promise me something. Don't settle. Be patient and wait for the right guy to come along. A guy who tells you how beautiful your voice is and how beautiful you are, every day. Just don't settle. My daughter did and it has been a real struggle for her. So be patient and wait for the right person." 

I was overwhelmed with kindness for this man. To be willing to be an instrument in the Lords hands to answer my prayers and tell me everything that I needed to hear, was almost more than I could handle. I barely made it out the door and around the corner before I started to cry with gratitude. So often I wonder whether I set my standards too high, whether I overlook someone who is showing obvious interest because I just don't feel that...for lack of a better term....that spark. That spark that seems to only exist in movies and in guys that seem to have no interest. That spark that is most likely in my mind and not in my heart. Am I just using all these things as an excuse to not have to get close to someone, even though that's all that I want? I wonder, should I try to make it work? Could I learn to love this person, solely because they do or want to love me? Are the fairy tale's and stories of love at first sight, romance, and requited love, one in a million? Are my prayers really heard? And will I receive an answer? 

 I feel as though in this one pep talk from a stranger I had every one of these answered. As though a weight was lifted off my shoulders and I knew everything would be ok. I just need to be patient. To wait and in time, I will find the love that I long for and deserve. 

 There is that word, time, again. Since my previous post on time, I have had time on my mind. Time is forever. Time is never changing. Time is numbers. Time is Relative. And time is always changing. Time is so many things all at once. It's the one thing you can count on and the thing that you dread. It's the moments with your loved ones that you want to keep forever and the heartache and laughter that cause the wrinkles on your face. It's the risks you take and chances you overlooked. The gray streaks in your hair and the scars on your skin. Time is your best friend and your worst enemy. 

                                                              Man am I Feeling Weird
                                                                       Your Friend, 
                                                                            Kelli 

An Apple a day

Last week I learned something that I believe has changed my life. I learned I'd been eating apples wrong my whole life. I bet you have been as well. Turns out that every one of youb that eats your apple side to side is wrong. When you eat an apple side to side, you run into the core which you eat around. Once you have eaten as much apple as you can, you throw the "core" away. Well guess what? The "core" doesn't have to exist! If you take the stem out of the top of the apple, and procede to start eating it from the top, you can eat all the way through the apple and the core disappears. All you have to do is spit out the seeds. Is amazing! You should try it. Really. I just want to eat apples all the time now. This week I also tried whole wheat chocolate chip cookies made with apple sauce. They were some of the best cookies I have ever had! how could semi-healthy cookies be better than terrible-for-you cookies? It makes no sense! I didn't have any great experience or insight today?, but I did listen to the new women and jay-z cd's and man are they brilliant. Oh yeah! I did get my hair cut today :) I got bettie page bands and a fairly simple cut. Jessica showed me how to do victory curls and I like the cut very much. The victory curls right? They were a little big. ...we will see if I can find some fun and cute rockabilly styles I like. :) Lots of love for now, Kelli

Time Flies

There is a saying that we all know. Time flies when you are having fun. It is used mostly as a motivator to get someone who doesn't want to do something, to do it. As if telling someone to have fun will automatically make them have fun, which will in turn make 'time fly' and make their unwanted task be over before they know it. I will say that often times it works. It motivates people to let go of their worries or unhappiness and live in the moment. I would argue though, that time just simply flies. It has been almost a year since I have even looked at this blog and I feel like so much and yet so little has happened. Where has all the time gone? Shortly after I wrote the last post I did get that job at pizza hut. Having the uniform job and the new job at pizza hut I was working about 50-60 hours a week. For a while I was still getting some projects done (making scarves upcycling a few pieces and making jewelry). I even had a booth at Idaho's Biggest Yardsale. With taxes though, I made very little. Then I got tired. My room became a hurricane disaster and I was too tired to clean it up, let alone be crafty after that impossible task was over. For the most part my crafts were put on hold. Although my sewing crafts went to the wayside, I still tried to keep my focus on my music. I wrote one more song. I now have 4 original songs. 2 are silly and 2 are, well, rather good if you ask me. When I get inspired for a song, its almost always about a guy, or guys in general. I hate that. I want to write about so much more. There is a lot to life and I want to write about it all. But being a young single adult, my brain tends to get stuck on the lack of a relationship. It's not that I am not happy being single, being single is great, but I have been single a long time. It's no longer an adventure or exciting. It's now a chore. It used to bother me when people would try to set me up on dates, now I welcome it. This fact worries me. I'm too lazy or exasperated to go out and socialize that I am perfectly okay with people saying "I know the perfect guy for you!". Also how can I help but think, "What if they are right? Maybe this is the guy for me." Not that any of this is new for any of you. Just the typical single life struggles. I feel like dating used to be easier. At least that is what movies would have us believe. But hey, I've never been good at dating. It's a fact. I'm terrible at flirting, dating, reading signals, and sending signals. That's why I live very openly and never leave room for misconceptions. Anything you want to know, ask me, and I will tell you. On that note, although I consider myself an open person, I have realized that I don't openly hand out information that is not asked for. I feel that if someone doesn't ask me for certain information or opinion then they probably don't want it. It's hard for me to just assume that they would be interested in my experiences. I envy the people in my life who can so openly share. It's something I would very much like to be able to do. Is there some secret I don't know about? Some way to know when to speak and when to listen? I'm great at listening, but after you listen, do you also share? That's where I get confused. I don't want to be that person that as soon as you tell a story, I tell one too, and then all of the sudden I'm one upping you and you feel like your story got left behind and forgotten. So I sit. And I listen. And if I don't know the perfect thing to say, I say nothing. Well I went off on a few tangents there, but back to what is going on. A little over a month ago I quit pizza hut. But, I still work there. lol I gave my notice and my boss begged me to stay at least one day. So I work there one morning a week and it is nice to see my boss and make that little bit of extra money. Now that I have more free time, I have been spending more time with some friends and just enjoying myself. A little over a week ago, my brother Aspen, left on his mission. He is ultimately going to be in Mexico, but right now he is in Utah. I miss him a lot and am struggling with what to write him about but I will make it work. Since he has left my mom and I have moved me into his room(its much bigger than mine) and I have much more room and with a big new organized work space I am hoping to get better focus on my fashion ideas and get them rolling again. Along with getting back to that, I am pulling my guitar out of the case and going to practice more. I haven't played in 2 weeks. I need to be playing a few times a week. I am in a band now. We are nameless as of yet, but it will be a three person rockabilly band for now. I am going to be the singer and songwriter and that freaks me out. Being the lead singer is nerve wracking enough, but the song writer? I am not that good at writing songs! It is truly work for me to write a song. It sometimes takes me months to write one song and that is after I finally get an inspired idea. I'm feeling a bit out of my comfort zone, but I'm hoping that's a good thing. Talk about out of my comfort zone. My uncles set me up a while back with a guy in their ward. We went on a walk and then I didn't hear from him for a while. Until yesterday, that is. He called me and asked me to go out, and I'm perplexed, because getting together sounds fine, I just can't find a single night this week that I am free. How does it happen that most weeks, I sit at home every night watching tv, cleaning, doing anything I can think of and then everyone calls or wants to get together all in the same week? Now I haven't called him back because I don't know what to say. With my friends, BSU football, The band, Community choir and getting my hair done, I'm left with no time. How do people find time? And after everything else that they do in the week and day, how do they find energy? Energy to go out and laugh and be sociable with a stranger. That's hard work. So, yes, I think time flies. I have had some fun times this last year, and I've had some really bad times. No matter how I was spending the time, or how much I enjoyed it, I'm still here, a year later, and it feels like no time at all. I think if I vomit any more words and thoughts at you my brain might start coming out with it, so I will stop for now. I very much like my brain and it'd be nice to keep it in my head. I'm not even gonna proof read this and I'm not sorry. If it's painful to read, then I hope you stopped before now. If not, I'm still not sorry. ;) Lots of love, Kelli

Here Goes Nothin'!

Wow has it been FOREVER! Well I am now working at a Uniform store fittingly called Uniformity :) I am applying for Pizza Hut because Pier 49 has closed and although I haven't purchased my business license, I am finally getting started! The name is Kelli's Uh?piphany. Get it? Cause you say "uh.......what can I do with this???" and I have an Epiphany! Genius I know. lol I just started a Facebook page about 2 minutes ago and I linked it to here so I figured I should probably update it! Starting next week on the new year I will be doing something called Outfit Adventures! I will $20, no more, no less, and I will buy an entire outfit, shopping at thrift stores and sales racks. Mostly thrift stores. I will make videos and take pictures during the process and post them to the page. Also I will feature one item of clothing a week and show 7 different ways of wearing it, one for each day. I will be selling my jewelry and any clothes I get done on the page, and I will have a fun and thrifty outfit hopefully once a month. We will see, they will be harder. I'm so excited to finally be motivated and get this thing started! So Here Goes Nothin'!

duck poop water and puppets

So my last post kind of sucked.....big ones. but what can you do?? it was 1 am and i was tired. lol last night i finished a dress and redesigned a long sleeve button up. i think they both look pretty awesome! i don't have a picture of the dress but i have some pictures of the shirt, they aren't great, but they'll suffice. :) I'll try to get them posted tonight, but im too lazy to go upstairs so we'll see if my phone can do it :) today i went to the paddle boats and had a lot of fun. i got covered in duck poop water and used muscles i don't normally but it was fun. We got milkshakes, a pineapple one and utter was delicious! i hope my lactose intolerance doesn't make me regret it lol i also saw the puppets today, it was so beautifully corny. it was fantastic. :) now i have a headache and im tired but can't sleep. though I'll have a better go at it when i get off this ;) goodnight!

numero dos

Today is day 2 of my one post a day "challenge" of sorts. Not a whole lot happened today, I'vefelt sick pretty much since Sunday so i slept a lort this morning and then deposited my check in the bank. I've been wanting to put together a double date with my friend danielle and i finally called and asked someone to go with me. I feel like i passed a milestone. i finally asked a guy on a date. Afterward i realized it was a lot easier than i anticipated. lol On a new note, i love to use big words or just words in general that aren't often used, so i think i need to get myself a giant dictionary and learn more words! also i have always wanted to have the entire set A-Z encyclopedias. wouldn't it just be fun to read about random things? just start with A and go from there! work kind of sucked today, but it definitely could have been a lot worse so that's good. tomorrow i think mom is gonna help me with some sewing. hopefully i can remember to take before pictures, cause as of yet, i keep forgetting!! i started altering a dress and i think it will be awesome but i wish i'd remembered the before picture so you could tell what i did :/ i've also thought of new areas of fashion i can get into and i'm pretty excited :D

Bubble Wrap and Music Sheets

Well lately I have been the biggest lazy bum of all the lazy bums when it comes to this blog! I just never know what to write about!

I guess I will start with some fashion. I am not joking at all with the story I am about to tell you.
  I was at Pier 49 Pizza working the other day, when in walks a family of three. At first glance they seemed like just another normal family coming in for a nice dinner. As the dad steps around the mom I literally had to pick my jaw up off the floor and pretend like I see a CAMO PRINTED KILT on a 45 yr old man, every day of my life. I mean, I can give people props for wearing kilts cause they arent very flattering, but a part of their culture. But they are supposed to be plaid right?? Not Camo! It was just aweful. Normally when I see someone wearing something odd, I say good for you, don't be afraid to be different. But sometimes I just have to say NO! no no no no No!

Which reminds me, I recently watched Captain America for the first time and said that same thing, but this wasn't a fashion emergency this time. How could they just let him go down in that ship and her never know that he was a live! What an awefully sad of an ending! I had to walk out of the room, pick up a big sharp knife and start making salsa, and I was still not appeased. lol

Speaking of watching things, I recently decided you can learn a lot of good advice from movies, also new words, perspective and ideas. So I've started to make a movie journal of sorts. Funniest part about this epiphany is that it happened during "I Love You Man" of all movies. Although, I should have expected it, Paul Rudd is in it, and he's awesome.

I was watching The teen drama Dawsons Creek for the last couple weeks and it taught me that the drama free way I chose to live my life is a very good choice. Also they use a lot of big words that you don't hear often so I learned some things there. lol The other show I've been watching is Supernatural and it is a rather good show. I was watching it in Arizona but my lovely roommate Jordyn didn't like it so the last week I stopped watching it, figuring I'd pick it back up when I got home. Which I didn't. lol Until it was brought up to me and I decided I really needed to finish it. So thats what I'm working on now, but I have a feeling its gonna take me a while...

In regards to my business, I still have been rather lazy, but I think I've been trying to rely on my mom too much. I mean she is the sewer and I tend to screw that part up. lol So I've decided I need to do what she did when she first learned. Which was to just start sewing and see how it goes from there!

I was informed of a contest being held at the Boise Art Museum for Fashion made from found objects and I seriously considered joining but I really have never done any fashion like that and I'd like to give it a pressure-less try first before I go entering any contests :/ lol So I have 2 possible dresses/shirts that I'm going to attempt, if for nothing else to have cool pics for my site and fun fashion art for my store when I get it :) I won't tell you what I'm doing, but if anybody has any paper mache(?) type recipes or something I could use like that please let me know! lets just say it has to do with paper, and I need some form of past or plaster to hold it all together, that I can sew through or make holes in to put ties.

On a completely unrelated note ;) If anybody has any bubble wrap, or old music or book pages lying around, I'd be glad to take 'em off your hands! Starting today I'm going to try to write every day. My goal is to make atleast one thing a day, whether it be clothes or jewelry or hair things :)

B.I.A.P.I.M.B

Blogging Is A Pain In My.....well you get the idea! I still have no idea how to work this site and when I want to do something it takes a million, trial and errors, before I get it right!

Well these past couple of weeks I went through maybe 1/10 of my moms sewing room and through her and my closets. I also got some clothes from my good friend Emily, and with the free time at the end of the night we sewed and sewed and sewed. Really didnt get that much stuff done because we need some thread and things we didn't have at the time.

So yesterday, I went to my friend Cecy's house and we took some things I sewed, some old stuff of my moms and some treasures I found at Goodwill, and I told her what to put on. We had a fun little photo studio in her backyard, with her dad grilling and laughing at her. lol It was a great time and we are definitely going to do it again! But today I went to upload the photos on hear and I couldn't find a gadget that would work right! I was so frustrated! I obviously figured it out eventually, but I'm not excited to do it again! lol

I hope you enjoy my creations and please give me feed back. Which one's your favorite? Is there something else you'd like to see? Would you buy one? How much would you be willing to pay? For me there is always a point on a dress, where I love it, until I see the price! Once I see that price, it just isn't that cute anymore. lol 

Anyway hope you like 'em!  

Perm smells and headaches

In case you were worried.....I'M NOT DEAD! I left AZ in my moving truck accompanied with Cecilia and Jordan and drove 18 hours straight, making it to Pocatello by 10:45 PM. We slept, unpacked the truck and drove the last stretch home, getting to Kuna at 3:30 PM. Needless to say, my knees were so stiff I could hardly walk. It was a long and stressful drive and I was glad to have it over! After I got home I spent the next week unpacking, packing, and organizing.

 I also started my new job and traveled back to Utah for my cousins wedding. Of course while in Utah I got my first sun burn of the year! It hurt! Stupid summer. It was a beautiful wedding and it was a fun trip. Although I have technically had plenty of time to get all my unpacking and organizing done......it isn't. lol I'm lazy sometimes. What can ya do?

I need to get my LLC and my DBA for my business done but I'm having second or third thoughts on my name selection.....if anybody has any ideas they want to throw at me....I wouldn't mind. Once I have that all squared away, I will start my website, then sell things at the flea market, consignment, and maybe join a few fairs or festivals if I can.

I really don't have a lot of stuff done, but I have lots to do and my mom and I are starting on it this week, while my dad is out of town. My dad being out of town is the perfect time, because I never sleep, and when my dad is gone my mom doesn't sleep so we can work together late into the night and not worry about waking up anyone. Except my brother, but again "what can ya do?" ha ha

I'm asking my sister, who is handy with a camera to help take pictures of the jewelry and things that I have done now, so that I can get some pics up for ya! :D

When I talk to people about my plans they tell me I'm brave or ambitious. I take the compliments and I like 'em, I mean who wouldn't? But let me tell you, I don't feel ambitious or brave, I feel a little scared, nervous, and a lot excited, and like I'm either digging myself a really deep hole or the way to china for a nice and happy vacation. I'm hoping for the second one. Metaphorically and literally... ;)

I don't know how this endeavor will work out but I hope for the best and try my hardest and maybe this wild dream will come true :)

Bahaha! I published this without even talking about what I titled it! Good thing there is an edit button! So last night was the first night my dad was gone and we had Jordan, Cecy, Breezy, and Danielle over. We did 3 Perms, 1 dye job and watched New years Eve and Son in Law while doing everyones hair. Needless to say, I had a giant headache last night and the house still reeks and I'm getting another headache. Time to open every single window in the house I think! If I pass out or die from all the chemicals, its guaranteed that Jordan or Cecy will get up at my funeral and say that it was karma for burning Breezy's head. Best friends...never let me forget anything....even when I'm dead. I love those stinkin jerks. :)

Down to the Wire

Well I have only 2 days left to get everything packed and ready to go! I pick up the rental truck on monday and pack it, then Jordan and Cecy get here on tuesday and its time to play and then come home! I CAN"T WAIT!!!! The longer I'm here the more things I think of that I need to do and learn when I get back. Tonight I wrote a new song, I'm not sure if its any good, I'm gonna try it again in the morning and see what I think. lol It's about a sheep, but also about being different and love. Its interesting for sure. I sold my car on wed and have been blessed with an awesome roommate that lets me borrow her car, but its weird to not have my own car. :/ I know my posts aren't that exciting right now, but once I actually get started, it should get much better and there will be lots of pics! Well I better get to sleep so I can wake up and pack some more! 

Been a while

I know it's been a while, but there hasn't been much new to say. lol I did have some issues with my eyes I was starting to get pretty worried about, but most of the worry inducing symptoms are gone, so I'm feeling pretty confident it was nothing. :)
I'm getting more and more excited to come home, but at the same time, as it gets closer, I'm getting pretty sad too! I will be working at Pier 49 Pizza, which is a sour dough pizza that is incredibly delicious! If you haven't tried it yet, you need to! I've decided that I need to learn to crochet and knit, so that will be something fun to learn when I get back. All the things I want to learn are starting to seem a little overwhelming, but as long as I remember it will take time, hopefully I won't get too discouraged!

For years and years I was plagued with wanting something to wear, but could not find it at any store! I was also too lazy to make it myself at the time. Have you ever felt that way?? If so, let me know! I will make it! This is for men and women. Even if its just a general idea or theme of something that you want! I do take requests :) You can either comment here or on my facebook!

Happy Easter!

Easter is a great Holiday, aside from the eggs and candy and commercial side, its a great day to remember the Lord! I just wish I had at least been able to go to church today.....I had to be to work at 10:45 and worked until 6. So I was exhausted when I got home and all I wanted was some homemade fried chicken, mashed potatoes and gravy, and some corn.......well all my potatoes were rotten, and the only other option I had was hash browns, so I opted for hash browns and eggs instead.....sort of the same......aw who am I kidding! Nothing like what I actually wanted. lol To put the icing on the cake my roommate and I were discussing something and I was reminded of the movie, He's Just Not That Into You. Love that movie. She was talking about shy guys, and how they don't make a move cause they are too shy. Is that just a thing we, girls, tell ourselves? How do you tell whether he is shy or just plain not interested? Too bad there isn't a handbook that works for every single guy and girl, to tell you the secret code.
 Anyhow, I am getting tired of this working 7 days a week. I think every person everywhere should get one whole day off, where they have no plan and just fly by the seat of their pants and just do what they want! If I enjoyed what I did more, maybe I wouldn't mind it so bad. But standing in a cubby waiting for people to come and see me, constantly worried about someone watching me or having to entertain myself while trying to look busy, and sitting on the phone trying to get random people to give me their money, is not my cup of tea. I can't wait to be my own boss! I'll say "Like a BOSS!" like a real gangsta'.